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You start out happy that you
have no hips or boobs. All of a sudden you get them, and it feels
sloppy. Then just when you start liking them, they start drooping. —
Cindy Crawford
I refuse to think of them as
chin hairs. I think of them as stray eyebrows. — Janette Barber
The lovely thing about being
forty is that you can appreciate twenty-five-year-old men more. —
Colleen McCullough
There must be quite a few
things that a hot bath won't cure, but I don't know many of them. —
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
I am woman! I am invincible! I
am pooped! — Author Unknown
If not for chocolate, there
would be no need for control top pantyhose. An entire garment
industry would be devastated. — Author Unknown
Having a bottom is living with
the enemy. Not only do they spend their lives slowly inflating, they
flirt with men while we're looking the other way.
— Coupling, "Her Best Friend's Bottom," original airdate 17
September 2001, written by Steven Moffat, spoken by the character
Sally
I got a postcard from my
gynecologist. It said, "Did you know it's time for your annual
check-up?" No, but now my mailman does. — Cathy Ladman
I want a man who's kind and
understanding. Is that too much to ask of a millionaire?
— Zsa Zsa Gabor
I prefer the word homemaker,
because housewife always implies that there may be a wife someplace
else. — Bella Abzug
Woman's Rule of Thumb: If it
has tires or testicles, you're going to have trouble with it.
— Author Unknown
Women deserve to have more
than twelve years between the ages of twenty-eight and forty. —
James Thurber, Time, 15 August 1960
I really don't think I need
buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon.
— Ellen DeGeneres
The chief excitement in a
woman's life is spotting women who are fatter than she is.
— Helen Rowland
Women who seek to be equal
with men lack ambition. — Timothy Leary
I try to take one day at a
time, but sometimes several days attack me at once.
— Jennifer Yane
Remember, Ginger Rogers did
everything Fred Astaire did, but backwards and in high heels. —
Faith Whittlesey
No one will ever win the
battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy.
— Henry Kissinger
Being a woman is a terribly
difficult task, since it consists principally in dealing with men. —
Joseph Conrad
Anybody who believes that the
way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography. —
Robert Byrne
Can you imagine a world
without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women.
— Attributed to both Marion Smith and Nicole Hollander
I would like it if men had to
partake in the same hormonal cycles to which we're subjected
monthly. Maybe that's why men declare war - because they have a need
to bleed on a regular basis. — Brett Butler
Sometimes I wonder if men and
women really suit each other. Perhaps they should live next door and
just visit now and then. — Katherine Hepburn
Inside some of us is a thin
person struggling to get out, but they can usually be sedated with a
few pieces of chocolate cake. — Author Unknown
I keep trying to lose
weight... but it keeps finding me! — Author Unknown
Don't cook. Don't clean. No
man will ever make love to a woman because she waxed the linoleum -
"My God, the floor's immaculate. Lie down, you hot bitch." — Joan
Rivers
Women may be able to fake
orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships.
— James Shubert
Three wise men - are you
serious? — Author Unknown
Home cooking: where many a man
thinks his wife is. — Author Unknown
Not tonight honey, wait 'til
I'm a size 6. — Susan Reinhardt, title of book
The older you get, the tougher
it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are
really good friends. — Author Unknown
You have to have the kind of
body that doesn't need a girdle in order to get to pose in one. —
Carolyn Kenmore
If you have formed the habit
of checking on every new diet that comes along, you will find that,
mercifully, they all blur together, leaving you with only one
definite piece of information: french-fried potatoes are out. — Jean
Kerr
A lot of guys think the larger
a woman's breasts are, the less intelligent she is. I don't think it
works like that. I think it's the opposite. I think the larger a
woman's breasts are, the less intelligent the men become. — Anita
Wise
My doctor told me to stop
having intimate dinners for four. Unless there are three other
people. — Orson Welles
A woman needs a man like a
fish needs a bicycle.
— Irina Dunn, 1970, commonly misattributed to Gloria Steinem who had
quoted Dunn
Sure God created man before
woman. But then you always make a rough draft before the final
masterpiece. — Author Unknown
Boys will be boys, and so will
a lot of middle-aged men. — Frank McKinney "Kin" Hubbard
Some men are so macho they'll
get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit. — Maureen Murphy
Behind every successful
woman... is a substantial amount of coffee. — Stephanie Piro
I've decided that perhaps I'm
bulimic and just keep forgetting to purge. — Paula Poundstone
Where do you go to get
anorexia? — Shelley Winters
There are much easier things
in life than finding a good man. Nailing Jell-O to a tree, for
instance. — Author Unknown
The only time a woman really
succeeds in changing a man is when he is a baby.
— Natalie Wood
Buying something on sale is a
very special feeling. In fact, the less I pay for something, the
more it is worth to me. I have a dress that I paid so little for
that I am afraid to wear it. I could spill something on it, and then
how would I replace it for that amount of money?
— Rita Rudner
Don't accept rides from
strange men - and remember that all men are as strange as hell.
— Robin Morgan
Forget love - I'd rather fall
in chocolate! — Attributed to Sandra J. Dykes
Stressed spelled backwards is
desserts. Coincidence? I think not! — Author Unknown
If I had been around when
Rubens was painting, I would have been revered as a fabulous model.
Kate Moss? Well, she would have been the paintbrush. — Dawn French
The leading cause of death
among fashion models is falling through street grates.
— Dave Barry
Who ever thought up the word
"Mammogram?" Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my
breast in an envelope and send it to someone. — Jan King
The first time you buy a house
you see how pretty the paint is and buy it. The second time you look
to see if the basement has termites. It's the same with men. — Lupe
Velez
The only way to lose weight is
to check it as airline baggage. — Peggy Ryan
Sometimes I think if there was
a third sex men wouldn't get so much as a glance from me. — Amanda
Vail
You can take no credit for
beauty at sixteen. But if you are beautiful at sixty, it will be
your soul's own doing. — Marie Stopes
A male gynecologist is like an
auto mechanic who has never owned a car. — Carrie Snow
The average woman would rather
have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than
he can think. — Author Unknown
Whatever women do they must do
twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is
not difficult. — Charlotte Whitton
I've been on a constant diet
for the last two decades. I've lost a total of 789 pounds. By all
accounts, I should be hanging from a charm bracelet. — Erma Bombeck
The old theory was "Marry an
older man, because they're more mature." But the new theory is: "Men
don't mature. Marry a younger one." — Rita Rudner
Men get laid, but women get
screwed. — Quentin Crisp
Is it too much to ask that
women be spared the daily struggle for superhuman beauty in order to
offer it to the caresses of a subhumanly ugly mate?
— Germaine Greer, The Female Eunuch, 1970
Women get the last word in
every argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a
new argument. — Author Unknown
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Quotations for Women's Greetings