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If an article is attractive,
or useful, or inexpensive, they'll stop making it tomorrow; if it's
all three, they stopped making it yesterday. Mignon McLaughlin,
The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll
believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to
touch it to be sure. Murphy's Law
If there is something you must do and you cannot do it, you cannot
do anything else. Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
How is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least
triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect
how often we have told it to the same person? Franηois Duc de La
Rochefoucauld
The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out
with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. Erma Bombeck
I tell you this, and I tell you plain:
What you have done, you will do again;
You will bite your tongue, careful or not,
Upon the already-bitten spot.
Mignon McLaughlin, The Neurotic's Notebook, 1960
As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask
you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.
Author Unknown
A bargain is something you can't use at a price you can't resist.
Franklin P. Jones
It's always been and always will be the same in the world: The horse
does the work and the coachman is tipped. Author Unknown
An unwatched pot boils immediately. H.F. Ellis
If you wonder where your child left his roller skates, try walking
around the house in the dark. Leopold Fechtner
Anything you lose automatically doubles in value. Mignon
McLaughlin, The Second Neurotic's Notebook, 1966
Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.
Will Rogers
When the plane you are on is late, the plane you want to transfer to
is on time. Author Unknown
Never do anything that you wouldn't want to explain to the
paramedics. Author Unknown
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark. Author Unknown
Why do they put the Gideon Bibles only in the bedrooms, where it's
usually too late, and not in the barroom downstairs? Christopher
Morley, Contribution to a Contribution
It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for
permission. Grace Hopper
The man who says he is willing to meet you halfway is usually a poor
judge of distance. Author Unknown
It's frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers
to ask you the questions. Author Unknown
If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat
tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Author
Unknown
If you wish to forget anything on the spot, make a note that this
thing is to be remembered. Edgar Allan Poe
People who snore always fall asleep first. Author Unknown
The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a
replacement. Author Unknown
There are many in this old world of ours who hold that things break
about even for all of us. I have observed for example that we all
get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and
the poor get it in the winter. Bat Masterson
No one is listening until you fart. Author Unknown
Keep a thing seven years and it's bound to come in handy. Russian
Proverb
Admiration is a very short-lived passion, that immediately decays
upon growing familiar with its object. Joseph Addison, The
Spectator
There are men whom you will never dislodge from an opinion, except
by taking possession of it yourself. Augustus William Hare and
Julius Charles Hare, Guesses at Truth, by Two Brothers, 1827
I find I always have to write something on a steamed mirror.
Elaine Dundy
People who want to share their religious views with you almost never
want you to share yours with them. Dave Barry
The Act of God designation on all insurance policies... means
roughly that you cannot be insured for the accidents that are most
likely to happen to you. If your ox kicks a hole in your neighbor's
Maserati, however, indemnity is instantaneous. Alan Coren, The
Lady from Stalingrad Mansions, 1977
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Quotations: How True!